The Horrifying Bird And Fish Reverse Conspiracy Theory

Usually, here’s how conspiracy theories work.  You take something that happened right out in public, and then you take the official story that everyone gets on the news.

Then you say, maaaaaan, that’s not what happened.  And then you provide an alternative story to the official one, usually more convoluted and sinister, and you sort of tailor it to the known facts.

You find a few problems with the official story, and then you show how your version addresses those problems.  And then you explain the lack of proof or evidence to back up your version, with the sneaky, conspiratorial antics of someone with enough clout to fabricate a cover story and make it official (usually Bush).

For example.  The World Trade Center.  Official version:  Terrorists take advantage of our lax airport security policies and crash planes into the Pentagon and the WTC.  Conspiracy version:  The WTC was already wrapped with explosives, placed there by members of the Bush cabal, and for a variety of sinister reasons, the WTC was destroyed on purpose – to march us off to war, pave the way for the Patriot Act, destroy all the evidence for a bunch of legal cases against billionaire criminals (Building 7), and to generally be really evil dicks.

It’s clearly a bit of a stretch.  Since Health Care, for instance, passed without knocking any buildings down at all, it seems like there was probably an easier route to those goals.  And I’m not here to debate the WTC story.  If you ask me, I’ll tell you I don’t know, because I don’t.

But one thing is glaringly certain:  The conspiracy theory is a lot more complicated than the official story.  The WTC conspiracy theory requires incredibly efficient and amoral coordination, absolutely secrecy, and a level of horrifying treason never seen or approached before throughout history, all at the highest levels of our government.

So people usually jump up and start shouting “Occam’s Razor!”  every time a conspiracy pops up.  Occam’s Razor is usually summed up with the phrase, “The simplest explanation is the best explanation.” 

Now, I keep saying, that’s a guideline, not a rule, so nothing centuries-dead philospher Occam ever said is going to make the conspiracy impossible – just generally less likely.

The mass killings of birds and fish.  That’s a little different.  The official story appears to be, well, hell, we don’t know.  Then they sort of trot out as many stories as they can find in which a bunch of fish or birds were killed, and shrug.  Sometimes huge numbers of animals drop dead without reason, they explain, and that’s not very simple at all.

Certainly it’s not as simple as the conspiracy theory, which would be something like, it was the willful or accidental release of chemical or biological weapons.  That’s about as simple as it gets.  A bunch of dead animals, dead because of poison, poison which we know we make, poison which we keep huge quantities of, stockpiled where?

Stockpiled in Arkansas, at Pine Bluff, not far from the kills.  Stockpiled in the tens of thousands of metric tons.

Hmmm.  I wonder if there’s any evidence suggesting that the massive chemical and biological weapons stockpiled nearby, which would do exactly what was done to the birds and fish, had anything to do with what mysteriously happened to the birds and fish?

Well, John P. Wheeler III thought so, according to this article by Sorcha Faal, in the EU Times, entitled Top US Official Murdered After Weapons Test Causes Mass Death:

“A shocking report prepared for Prime Minister Putin by the Foreign Military Intelligence Directorate (GRU) states that one of the United States top experts in biological and chemical weapons was brutally murdered after he threatened to expose a US Military test of poison gas that killed hundreds of thousands of animals in Arkansas this past week.”

Well, son of a bitch, that’s pretty shocking, isn’t it? 

Notice how that’s not a long-haired dope smoker at the end of the bar, going, “Maaaaaaan.  The govamint’s killin’ birds!”

No, in fact, John P. Wheeler III was the former Special Assistant to the Secretary of the Air Force, Washington, D.C. from 2005-2008, and then he became the Special Assistant to the Acting Assistant Secretary of the Air Force for Installations, Logistics and Environment.  He wrote a book on chemical and biological weapons, and worked as a consultant for the Mitre Corporation, which  according to the article, created “the computer command and control systems used by the US Air Force in their fleet of aerial spraying planes.”

Wheeler was also a Vietnam veteran – he was against the deployment of weapons like this, and the report cited in the article indicates that we are currently shipping this stuff – which can not just kill birds and fish, but humans, too, horrifically, as in it makes your lungs “explode” – over to Afghanistan.

So instead of a knucklehead in his basement, speculating about complicated alternative theories to a situation that’s already explained, we have an expert on chemical and biological weapons, a patriot, a veteran, explaining something that the official version can’t. 

And he’s got a pretty simple conspiracy theory to combat the vague We-Don’t-Know version on the news.  And now, he’s dead, as if you needed an extra reason to think that maybe he knew what he was talking about.

His body was spotted tumbling out of a garbage truck before anyone even reported him missing, that’s how quickly and neatly he was taken out, right here on our soil, within days of threatening to go public.  I guess it could have been a random crime, right?  Not connected to the whistleblowing?

Sure, but who’s holding Occam’s razor now – the newspaper or the conspiracy guy?

My thinking is, you don’t usually get killed for having no idea what you are talking about, or for threatening to go public with false or harmless information.  This guy doesn’t look like a conspiracy theorist to me – he looks like a martyr.

Seriously, you should read the article.  It’s sourced, and it needs passed around.  You might get turned off by the end, when the author accuses us of being a nation full of intentionally undereducated, religious imbeciles, and I don’t blame you.

I guess the question is, are we going to sit around acting like it or what?

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Earlier:  Modern Freedom and Big Brother’s Lens

And: Occam’s Razor Is Not A Law Of Physics

Then later:  Carcass Storms Are Perfectly Normal, And Other Reassuring Tidbits