In which we return to Zanesville, but we didn’t call it Action Blogging last time and so for some reason, fewer people clicked it. No problem, Action Blogging it is.
I think we picked the Courthouse clean last time, so I’m not going to make you go in there with me. Fortunately, there’s not much to do the rest of the afternoon, so I thought we’d stomp around the streets of Zanesville and try to find out what’s up with all the gigantic vases sitting around on the streets of this town. Like this one:
You could fit a skinny person in there if the top were open wider. I’ve never seen something like that sitting around on the street or in a doorway. Is it just to block the door? I don’t think so – look over here.
They’re lovely, don’t get me wrong. And they’re all over the place.
See, really what I was looking for in downtown Zanesville was a bar. I thought there would probably be several bars downtown because there were a lot of lawyers and accountants, and I thought they would be charming little hole-in-the-wall bars where they like it when you take their picture and blog about them.
So I drove a little grid around the Courthouse, couldn’t find a single bar, and that’s when I got creeped out by all the Brobdignagian vases. Me and the blogosphere, I figured, are going to get to the bottom of this.
So here we are, doing the legwork. Beatin’ the streets. Not looking for a bar anymore but open to the possibility should we happen to see one, no big deal. And the case just keeps getting more and more strange.
This one’s painted in great detail. Someone spent a lot of time on this one.
I mean, good lord, I actually want that one.
And then up ahead here are a couple more:
Are they like alien bodysnatcher pods? Should we be freaked out, blogosphere? I’m getting a little freaked out. Look:
I think we found the hatchery. I don’t think we have enough evidence that they’re alien pods though, to do anything rash. So far, they’re just sitting around being big, weird vases. But they do seem like strange things to just have sitting around on the streets.
Look at this guy.
Not a guy, it’s a law office. Why does the law office have a table and chair set in the window? This has nothing to do with vases, it just startled me. I guess it’s just really Complete Legal Services, you get tea and little sandwiches. That’s nice.
That’s not all that’s weird around here. There are also murals, not even a block away. Like for instance, there’s this elaborate Star Trek mural:
Which, I mean, FINALLY. Something in Zanesville which I understand and which makes perfect sense. Would you like a closer look at it, just so you feel more safe and grounded by how normal and awesome and chicken soupy this thing is to us right now? Okay, blogosphere, no problem.
And then sure enough over here is a nice mural about the Marines – and it’s GOT A VASE IN IT!
Why the omnipresent vases? Is this really some kind of alien invasion? Obama, perhaps, trying to steal guns from the people of Zanesville? Did the lawyer buy a furniture store and just decide he liked the window display how it was? We’re going to have to really get our hands dirty, blogosphere, really flip over some rocks and shake some trees.
With blogging comes a civic duty similar to Spiderman’s or that of bounty hunters – it’s very complicated. We’re not allowed to waterboard people at random because of Obamacare, so we’re going to have to use all our wits and cunning to trace the vases back to whatever sinister..
Wait a tick. What does that sign say?
Huh. I guess if you think of yourself as the Pottery Capital of the World, maybe you keep big vases on the streets. Examples of pottery. Sure.
Okay then. Carry on, Zanesville. I am sorry for the misunderstanding, and I’m sorry if I suggested that you were full of alien pods.
Well, blogosphere, I’m sure you’re probably thinking, damn, Tom, you couldn’t have googled that? Zanesville and big vases? Oh, don’t worry – I’m thinking it, too. Hey, let’s see what they do if we stand right in the middle of the street to get a better view.
Nothing. A mom and her daughter crane their necks to look at the sign, and then the girl gets out her phone and takes a picture of me and then the sign. You’re not supposed to take pictures of people, little girl, that’s why I’m not taking one of you. Your mom should tell you that. Everybody’s going to think you’re weird.
Okay, now I’m just pissed at Zanesville, and it’s easier that way. I’ll see you in the morning, blogosphere.