Listen, if you are the sort of person who looks out the window in the middle of a snowstorm in your area, and who then chuckles and rolls your eyes and says, “Heh, heh, heh – must be that there global warming. Yuk, yuk, yuk,” and if you’re also the sort of person who then continues to articulate that crappy little non-intellectual pile of anti-argument goo as a real worldview, and if you’re sending your kids to school talking that way with no regard for how insipid and CLEARLY stupid it really is, then I need to ask you something.
Are you looking out your window during the current heat wave, and concluding that global warming is real? Nodding sagely and taking the fucking hayseed out of your mouth and sticking it in your straw hat and saying, “Hey Zeke! Get over here! It’s that there global warming!”
Because that would be intellectually consistent. Surely you can see that, yes?
Now hold on – I know that if that’s really you, if you’re really someone who thinks like that, well then three paragraphs is a lot to ask you to read, and your knee jerk reaction is probably the same asinine crap douchebags in suits on Fox News tell you to bark out at intellectuals and scientists. For example, you might point out that concluding the heat wave is a symptom of global warming would be like concluding a snowstorm disproves global warming.
And that’s probably enough for you – just chortle and say, “Well, now you’re being moronic in the same way you just said I was, so yer a moron so I’m putting my fingers in my ears and imagining I’m listening to that song from Top Gun.”
Except here’s the thing: I’m not a moron. I know the heat wave is not a sign of global warming. The heat wave is regional, not global. And it’s weather, not climate. Just like snowstorms. Now, admit that if you’re using that clearly faulty logic in the winter (which you are and I’m not) and if you’re not using it in the summer (which neither of us is), then only one of us is being inconsistent.
And it’s you. And it’s plain as day. And I’d like to know what your problem is, exactly?
I mean, are you crazy, is that your problem? Are you some kind of drooling moron? Or do you just not believe that the issue is worthy of logic?
Do you think it’s a game or something? An argument with your wife? A clever way to shut your kids up, by telling them McDonald’s is closed at noon? I mean, what’s the difference as long as they believe it, right?
I’m not even going to go into what I think about global climate change, because that really isn’t the point. I’m just pointing out that the way it gets discussed by the vast majority of Americans is so idiotic that it makes me truly believe that we deserve whatever we get.
And this logical disconnect is across the board, politically.
Conservatives right now, for instance, are outraged about raising the debt ceiling – something which has happened seven times since 1992. So, why weren’t they outraged when Bush was doing it?
And the same consistency test applies. Look:
When Bush did it, neither side was in an uproar. When Obama tries to do it, one side is in an uproar. Conservatives are not being consistent. Now if Democrats had been in an uproar any of the last seven times this happened – and happened fairly quietly – then they’d be inconsistent, too. But there was no uproar – I had to look that figure up because I don’t recall the debt ceiling being raised before, and I doubt you do either.
That’s how much we all cared before Barack Obama tried it, then suddenly…
This bullshit. This partisan, obstructionist, bullshit.
Same thing with passing huge bills into law. Health care bill? “Oh, it’s so huge and we shouldn’t be passing huge bills.”
But the behemoth Patriot Act? Rubber stamp that shit right through – we’re at war and that’s a white billionaire talkin’! Heeeeeeeeee Haaawwwww!!!
Yes, war against a concept. And then in a country that proved to have little or more likely nothing to do with the attack that prompted the “war.”
Then Obama ramped up the troops where the actual 9/11 mastermind was – in Afghanistan. And suddenly that was a bad thing, troops. And again, at least the Democrats were consistent – they didn’t like troop buildups under Bush, and they didn’t like them under Obama. Republicans are all for troops, as long as white oil tycoons are pulling the trigger.
And then Obama’s plan worked – the troop buildup up clearly resulted in more intelligence in the region, and Bin Laden was dead within what? A year?
Ah, but suddenly Obama doesn’t get credit for that. You noticed that when we captured Hussein, you didn’t see anyone wanting to clarify that Bush hadn’t personally caught him, right? No one demanding that we acknowledge that it was troops and not a President? But make sure you don’t say Obama killed Bin Laden, cause it was clearly the special forces guys, and not the man who called in the troops to gather the intelligence and then ordered the strike – which couldn’t have happened without him.
I mean, let’s be clear – Abraham Lincoln did not free the slaves, because he didn’t personally go around with a pair of bolt cutters snapping off the chains and handing out soup.
It’s plain as day – these clearly invalid arguments, these clumps of digital horseshit, they’re being thrown around like tomatoes and it’s only to sway the least sophisticated Americans, the people who don’t understand what the news is supposed to be explaining to them. Truth doesn’t matter, logic doesn’t matter. Political agendas are all that matter.
If that’s you, then look in the mirror. You’re a slack-jawed simpleton at best, and an evil, lying sack of shit at worst. And there are so many of you, I’m losing interest in whether you eat or starve, work or not, smile or frown, live or die.
I have my fucking eyes open. I’ll survive whatever pile of crap you pricks turn this country into, and I’ll walk right out of it if it gets bad enough, because the place is getting about as easy to be proud of as a crack house on Christmas Eve. Yes, and then I’ll walk right back in when the coast is clear, and there’s nothing you can do about it. Nothing at all.
And that makes me feel just awful – because there are plenty of us, too. The people who can use our brains, who can see the nationwide prison rape that’s about to happen as nods are exchanged and blades are passed around and guards are paid off, one by one. Maybe it’s going to happen to us, or maybe we’ll have the wits to keep our eyes down, and not be among the miserable victims.
But we’ll have to look at them later, the people who are about to get screwed by the wealthy even as they cheer them on like professional athletes. We’ll have to look them in the eye, knowing that we tried to tell them, searching for the compassion to feel pity for them, for the degradation they brought upon themselves with their barking and flipper-whacking and oblivious, beer-commercial apathy.
If you’re one of the liars or the fools, one of the people spreading Stupid around like human cropdusters, then sure, I’d like to know what your problem is. But I have to look inward, at the rest of us, and wonder how long do we let so many people lie before we get up and start blasting folks in the mouth and saying, “SPEAK THE TRUTH OR WE WILL BEAT YOU DOWN TO THE GROUND!”
That’s what it’s going to take to survive this asinine shitstorm, and we’re not doing it – I’m not doing it.
What’s my problem, exactly? And what’s yours?