Back To You, Psychotic Meth Lab Preacher Guy

09 Sep

Good work, American media.  That’s some hard-hitting, professional journalism.  Perhaps next, a new reality series about teen life in the KKK?

A lunatic preacher announces that he’s burning Qurans, and you go ahead and give him the eyes and ears of the world.  Well hell, you had to, right?  You wouldn’t want your competitors to get a hold of such a great scoop, and leave you standing there talking about sane people doing productive things, would you?

Wow, what a deep, burning question you’ve uncovered, trained reporters.  “Should some backwoods jackass be allowed to set fire to these Qurans?”

Well, I don’t know does he have a fire permit or a burning permit or whatever, from the local authorities?  Are they his Qurans?

That’s a pretty exhaustive list of the relevant questions, you see.  Of course if he’s in an area where the local ordinances call for a burning permit, and he doesn’t have one, then problem solved.  I’m sure the local authorities will be sure to go ahead and break him off a ticket after they put out his Quran fire.

If they aren’t his Qurans, then he’s not allowed to burn them even with a permit – see how that works?

What’s not relevant is an opinion poll of national viewers.  It’s very similar to the manner in which building permits and First Amendment rights are not subject to ratification by the viewers of Fox News.

There is not a whole lot of need for a debate about various local burning ordinances, or assumptions over what kind of paper products you’re allowed to burn.

Christians burn books all the time, not just this nut.   It’s just cause Autumn’s here.  Gets everyone feeling all warm and book burny. 

These are not magical books, like in a Harry Potter story.  Burning them will not release any giant Muslim demons upon the world.  Nothing will happen if he sets fire to them, nothing at all – unless you point cameras at him so he’s doing it in front of the entire world.

He could be an online idiot streaming a bookburning – a single idiot with a web cam among millions more.  Or he could be a symbol of American intolerance, with cameras from every single major news outlet pointed at him, burning Qurans on television screens across the entire civilized world.

See how the fire is the second most destructive force in that scenario? 

See how it’s getting beaten out by you, Chaz?  By a million pearly white, dead-eyed sewer jackals just.  Like.  You?

Now there’s a bunch of Muslim guys in England – they’re going to burn American flags if this Nut Preacher burns the Qurans.  Hmmm, I have a complicated couple of questions, nutty Muslim guys.  Do you own those flags?  Do you have a burning permit?

For crying out loud, I swear – I don’t think I’m any kind of genius.  For example, I had to go back after I published this and correct the spelling of “Quran” everywhere.  I used to think I was pretty smart, but I’ve screwed up enough by now to know better.

So why does it seem like a bunch of morons are in charge and that we are listening to them?  Why does it seem all of the sudden like the people giving us the news are much, much dumber than we are?

When did we decide that the lunatics deserved so much attention?  There used to be a nutty preacher with a sign reading The End Is Nigh in pretty much any park or bus station.  It’s not like being a franking lunatic is a new innovation.

Why are we paying attention to these people? 

How long can this guy possibly burn Qurans?  Even if he has a permit (I doubt it) then really, could he keep a constantly burning Quran fire going for even a full week?

If he did, wouldn’t he be buying the Qurans from a Muslim publisher?  Don’t you think on some level, they’d kind of have to look at the numbers and think, well….

Personally, I don’t burn flags or Bibles or Qurans.  But it seems to me that I can buy whatever I want and burn it in my fireplace.  Yes, I can even buy your mom’s sweater at a garage sale and then I can wear it or set fire to it or even pee on it if I want to.

That’s cause it’s mine now.  Just like a flag would be if I bought it.  Just like a Quran or a Bible would be, if I bought one. 

I’m sure that I could be compelled to burn any of them, maybe in one of those really unlikely survival situations.  For example, the old Barricaded In A Flag Factory During A Zombie Apocalypse situation – ya gotta stay warm, and zombies hate torches.  Sometimes, it’s common sense before patriotism.

Like eating cats – as a country we just think that is so wrong, while we sit here chomping down on pretty much everything else.

I personally don’t care if you eat cats, as long as it’s your cat.  They’re just arrogant, furry chickens with names.  I’ll bet it’s against the law, though – again, that’s a lot more relevant than my opinion.

For some reason, the news acts like everything in our country should be decided by an opinion poll.  They’ll ask our opinions on court cases which we didn’t see.  What do you think about the seventeen day murder trial of Charlie Patterson and his subsequent acquital?

Lo and behold, millions of people will turn out to have incredibly strong opinions about the case, millions of people who didn’t see the prosecutor’s case, or the defense.  Millions of people whose opinions are literally irrelevant.

All of these corncobs threatening to burn each other’s iconic symbols are acting exactly like toddlers in a sandbox.  Well if you build that Mosque I’m going to burn your Quran!  No way, if you burn those Qurans, I’m burning these flags!

You better take that back!

For crying.  Out.  Loud.  This is so franking stupid, if it was happening in a movie I’d quit watching it.  I’d say, that was the dumbest movie I ever saw – like that would ever happen.

Losing my patience, folks.  Going to do some breathing exercises or something, try and get this under control.


Posted by on September 9, 2010 in Angry, Venomous Rants


Tags: , , , , , , ,

5 responses to “Back To You, Psychotic Meth Lab Preacher Guy

  1. sparrow1969

    September 11, 2010 at 5:57 pm

    Good post…you hit the nail right on the head about how I feel about it too. The media needs to learn what’s worth talking about and what isn’t.

  2. Marty

    April 4, 2011 at 5:06 pm

    Religion….the one true fault of humanity,


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