The Quiet People Are Listening

One question I get a lot these days is, Say, Tom – why were you such a belligerent dick on Facebook the other night?  And believe it or not, there is an answer.

Sometimes, regrettably, the answer is of course whiskey.  A nice steak, a couple of pulls, and then let’s AngryType for three hours.  I’m sure the whiskey would like to apologize, but like I’m saying – it’s gone.  Think of it as a modern, digital version of getting on my roof and firing off my rifle and screaming about communists or the Dutch, and then it might seem more palatable.

But really, there is a better reason – the quiet people are listening.

Because I’m self-employed, a writer, and the owner of several undiagnosed mental illnesses, I am all over Facebook.  I even have some nicknames reflecting this; I’ve been called Mister Facebook (nice), the Facebook Jesus (a bit much), The Charlie Sheen of Facebook (uh-oh), and An Arrogant, Closed-Minded Prick (stupid whiskey).  When I see people in real life, Facebook is usually the first thing we talk about.

Other people are all over Facebook in a similar fashion, sometimes angry, sometimes political, sometimes just dropping cool, cool links all the time with hilarious captions.  One thing is common to all of us – you’ve either hidden us or you’re reading us, but you certainly know we’re there.

And for every person like us, there are at least twenty Quiet People.  They are out there, watching and reading and thinking.  Smiling or frowning.  Considering what’s before them.  I know they are out there, because once in a blue moon they click like – that’s about as loud as they get – and then they dart off again.

I like the quiet people.  I like their careful consideration and envy their restraint.  Sometimes I get private Facebook messages from them when I really lay into someone – a private thank you instead of a public “like.”  That’s pretty quiet all right.

So here’s the thing about being a prick on Facebook.  Usually the problem is, a guy stomped into a thread and started being a prick.  The standard intellectual approach would be, ignore the guy, right?  Who cares who started it, don’t be a prick.

And in an actual room that one can actually stomp into, that might be the right move, because then when he’s gone we can all diffuse his nonsense – no harm done.

But on Facebook it’s not a room, it’s a big permanent record of a conversation, and the quiet people are watching it, there will be quiet people stopping by to read the whole thing for days, sometimes weeks. 

And If a guy comes in at the end of a thread and essentially repeats Rush Limbaugh, and everybody ignores him, then it looks to some of the quiet people like no one knew how to respond.  Some of the quiet people can’t help but reason, maybe the dittohead had a point.

And so then multiply that by a five-digit number, and you can see how suddenly millions of quiet people are watching an army of belligerent assholes as they tack their asinine bullshit onto intelligent conversations everywhere, intentionally creating the illusion that Rush Limbaugh’s bullshit is a legitimate side to a lengthy and spirited debate. 

In other words, a certain chunk of the quiet people are going to think that since no one responded to the belligerent asshole, perhaps his bullshit is not asinine.  Somebody’s got to answer the belligerent asshole, and really – I don’t need any new pals,  There is a very good chance I will never be interviewing for a real job ever again.  Doesn’t really matter who I piss off.

Sure, you could be a Zen master and return every few hours to calmly answer any and all of the belligerent asshole’s points, but it doesn’t matter.  All the quiet people see then is an argument between you and a belligerent asshole, an argument which never ends.  Again, this creates the illusion that The Debate Rages On, which is what the belligerent assholes want.

So instead I consciously respond at the level of discourse they’ve selected.  Ah, you’d like to throw tomatoes at each other and the tomatoes are made out of words?  Well, I’m your huckleberry – let’s do that.

Then what the quiet people see is a pair of belligerent assholes.  Sprinkle in a couple of my favorite rhetorical points, and I truly believe that me and the whiskey are standing up to a bully and possibly even doing some good. 

Some of the quiet people see it that way, too.  Others just see a couple of belligerent assholes, stinking up Facebook.  That’s what the “hide” button’s for – I can live with that.  But the way I see it, silence says “acceptable.”  Speaking says, well whatever you speak.

Politics are different these days.  Things move faster, we can learn and verify faster.  And we can speak as a People when we use technology to figure out what we agree upon.  We therefore need to take a lesson from Spiderman – great power, great responsibility.  What are we going to allow as a culture?  At what point do we stand up to the bullies?  At what point do we ignore them, let them spread their lies?

Things are also very personal to me these days – I don’t know if it’s because of technology, or because I’m getting older.  When you’re looking to weaken the rights of the already under-seige workers in America, if you’re looking to require a fucking ten-inch probe rape for a rape victim who wants an abortion all while defending a man like Rush Limbaugh…

Well then this isn’t a difference of opinion.  It’s not time to agree to disagree.  I have three daughters, and the Republican Party has made its attitudes toward them very clear.  I’m not going to split hairs with anyone while they repeat their television’s favorite sound bites at me.  The women of this country are rising up and they are telling me loud and clear they’ve had enough of this bullshit, and I’m with them.

Either you are, or you’re not – but if you’re not I don’t really need to hear why.  I just need to make sure the quiet people don’t get the impression that anybody is frightened of you, or that women are the only people you’re pissing off.

For God’s sake, Gloria Steinem and Jane Fonda are talking.  Take off your fucking hats.  Throughout history, this is the way men have responded as women fought for their rights.  Sluts.  Feminazis.  What was the rape victim wearing? 

I’ll tell you what the women of this country are wearing right now.  They’re wearing asskicking boots and you’re going to be sorry, fellas, that you decided it was a good time to poke them with a ten-inch rape probe.  Me?  I’ll be over here mixing ‘em up some martinis and maybe getting some dinner started and generally letting them know that not all men are like Rush Limbaugh.

It makes me feel better, sure, but seriously dudes – I don’t think they need my help.